fourth month

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Just a reminder that life is short..

Reflecting on life at Yale. Marina Keegan died in a car accident on Saturday. She was 22.

It’s not quite love and it’s not quite community; it’s just this feeling that there are people, an abundance of people, who are in this together. Who are on your team. When the check is paid and you stay at the table. When it’s four a.m. and no one goes to bed. That night with the guitar. That night we can’t remember. That time we did, we went, we saw, we laughed, we felt. The hats.

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My Grandma and my Mom’s boyfriend both had birthdays today. M came over to celebrate and offered to cook dinner for everyone out of the blue. One of the reasons I will always love him is because he is selfless and genuinely kind. He treats my family like his own and always makes me feel proud to have him around them. I’m so happy that regardless of what goes on between us, he will always be apart of my family. I had a great day today.

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VOTE!

Vote for me! If you have a contest you need votes for, I will return the favour!

Please vote for my Marc Anthony Beauty Ambassador video! Please go to the link below, look for my video (it will say “submitted by April Bonia”), click “vote for this video”, and put in the information they ask for. You only have to vote ONCE and it’s open until June 7th. Just for voting, you will be entered to win an Apple iPad and 1 of 5 $200 shopping sprees! Thank you and please spread the word!

http://www.marcanthony.com/vervegirleasylites

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I’m not gonna lie, I am totally a fan of these hot, sticky summer nights.

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I broke up with my boyfriend today, not because I don’t love him or because I don’t love being with him. My insecurities and fears have just gotten the best of me. I am holding him back from happiness by constantly needing him to reassure and comfort me about things that I can’t explain and he doesn’t even think exist. There are other problems too, of course, but this is the only one that can’t be fixed by staying together. I need to learn to be alone and to love myself without having a man by my side. This is going to be terrifying and difficult but I think I will be okay once I get over the tears and anxiety.

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Vote for me!

Voting is now open for my Marc Anthony Beauty Ambassador video! Please go to the link below, look for my video (it will say “submitted by April Bonia”), click “vote for this video”, and put in the information they ask for. You only have to vote ONCE and it’s open until June 7th. Just for voting, you will be entered to win an Apple iPad and 1 of 5 $200 shopping sprees! Thank you and please spread the word!

http://www.marcanthony.com/vervegirleasylites

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Letting it be.

I don’t like to say too much about my personal life on here but I’m having an emotional week and need to get some things off of my chest.

I haven’t seen my father in over two years. He left our family in January 2009 and after many screaming matches, countless tears, and a few uncomfortable meetings at coffee shops - he moved to the east coast. He has a new girlfriend.. or wife.. or something now and he doesn’t speak to any of his kids. I don’t blame him for running away, sometimes I wish I could run away too - I blame him for the fashion in which he ran away in, he did it in a tasteless, heartless, childish manner that I could never and will never forgive. I don’t have to force myself to not think about him or talk about him anymore.. it has been long enough now that he hardly crosses my mind. When he does, I am able to laugh or smile about the good memories I have of him but I try not to over-analyze the bad. I know that in the end, it is his loss to not have any of us in his life. He is the one that is missing out on our lives. He is the one that won’t be at my sister’s wedding next year and the one that won’t get to witness the birth of his first grandchild. I know that one day, if it hasn’t already started, the guilt will begin to eat away at him and he will finally get to feel the type of emotional pain and anguish that his family had to feel when he decided to disappear.

The reason I bring up my father now is because his brother, my uncle, is dying. Cancer is quickly spreading throughout his body and he doesn’t have very much time left. In a way, I want to be there for my father through this tough time but then I remember that he hasn’t been there for me at all. So, I sent my love and warm thoughts to my uncle through one of the only people on my father’s side of the family that I still speak to and I let go of the guilt I was beginning to feel. I cannot let my father hurt me anymore and there is absolutely no reason why I should feel bad for him when he could not care less about me.